Welcome to The Townhouse Gym!

We promise to do our part to give you a healthy, toned body. Our gym is located in a townhouse, 13,000 square feet and twenty-five rooms assure you plenty of space to work out with others, or if you prefer, in complete privacy. 150 stations promise to challenge every muscle and fiber. Personal trainers and spotters will help you to use the equipment in a safe, effective manner. We will be circulating a club newsletter, to keep you abreast of the latest fitness news.

We are dedicated to help you achieve your personal best. Stay focused and try to ignore -

The caretaker. Due to an unfortunate accident, he is slightly maimed. He is mute, however so it’s not necessary to make small talk with him. Besides, he is very busy in his hidden room on the fifth floor.

The mice. We are investigating exterminators and it will be just a matter of time before we rid the townhouse of all rodents. Everyone knows that mice are more afraid of you than you are of them.

Besides, they hate noise and if you’re working hard on the treadmill or cross-country skier, they will move on to a quieter room.

The agoraphobic librarian. She is frightened of open spaces, and finds it difficult to venture out of the library. So, if you have any questions, please address them to her in private.

The sullen personal trainer.  His bad moods can work in your favor. His anger will assure you of a tough workout.

The dead bodies. So far no one has actually died in our townhouse. One body was found in an alley behind our property but, after all, he was just the janitor who happened to work next door. The second victim was murdered on the next block. While she was a club member, she was also a blackmailer and probably deserved her fate. And the poor man who committed suicide? He was dreadfully unhappy.

Welcome to The Townhouse Gym! We guarantee you will feel better about yourself. We will train you mentally and physically. We will teach you how to tough it out under the worst of circumstances.

If you have any questions or concerns, we invite you to please leave them in the suggestion box located in the lobby. Be careful what you say, though. Voices can carry up all six floors through the flue in the fireplace.

You never know who might be listening...

Marianna Heusler © 2015 •  Home •  Sitemap •  Contact